21st Century Grand
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When I was a boy And they asked me what I'd be, "A Grand Old Man of Letters" I'd reply invariably. "I'll grow the longest beard You've ever seen and Every year I'll write A thousand letters and A book to build society's dream.” So after I left college I sat down at my desk And prepared to write some Weighty tome of high lit'air'iness. But then I got distracted And had a cup of tea, My good friend Marky called me up And said "You've got to see The latest fashion on The Net That's making it much easier To meet new friends And share a laugh They call it Social Media." "You really need to try it! I know you're going to LIKE it!" And ever since that fateful day I've barely typed a word Except for 'lol' and 'brb', I've become a social nerd. My world is ruled by smilies With cheesy grins and winks. My day is filled with 'liking' stuff And clicking dodgy links. I know I ought To cut The power Lock the door And settle down with good, Old-fashioned pen and paper Every day for eighteen hours. If I dared to deviate Or stall, my wife Would motivate me With a staple to the ball. I'd write us a best seller. The sales would go interstellar. We'd buy a country pad And escape suburban tedia. They'd add me to 'Who's Who' And put my mug on Wikipedia. But I haven't got the time To even draft a single line. I've posts to post And chats to chat And every day My friends get needier And my followers get greedier. A Grand Old Man of Letters? Bugger that. I'll write my daily blog and Earn from adverts for Expedia. When I grow up I'll be A Grand Old Man of Social Media.
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Poem Study Notes:This poem was written in 2014, inspired by Facebook posts from people complaining about how they were never finding the time to do anything worthwhile. The poet is no better. He has never managed to write more than about 20,000 words of a book and most of those were conjunctions and prepositions. The truth of the matter is that I would rather spend time on social media moaning about never finding the time to write a book than actually writing a book. Is it just me? Many of my favourite writers managed to produce masterpieces in spite of distractions from ill-health, poverty, alcohol addiction, gambling addiction and drug addiction. I am wondering if social media is a more powerful barrier to sitting still and concentrating than anything in that list...
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