The Danger of Ill-Considered Birthday Presents

For his fifth birthday, Heathcliff
Received a toy sword and sheath
With bubble mixture inside from
His absent-minded Uncle Keith.

It seemed an ideal gift.
Heathcliff tingled with pride,
Blowing heavenly bubbles
In the lugholes of his relations,
As they beamed with adult adoration
For a child achieving the easily achievable.

But twenty six years on, at sea,
Heathcliff was besieged by pirates
With six foot sabres gleaming
Like stainless steel cutlery.

Alas, our hero's bubble sword
Offered poor protection.
An Uncle's birthday bungling
Had doomed the lad to bloody vivisection.

Poem Study Notes:

Apologies to anyone who arrived here expecting a poem about Wuthering Heights.

This poem was written in 2002 or 2003, inspired by the merry-go-round of the modern young children's birthday party circuit, with its never-ending trail of useless and unappreciated gifts.

Ironically, bubble swords do not appear on the list of useless gifts to buy for young children. Bubble swords are amazing! They only cost a few quid, provide at least tens of minutes of entertainment, and come in various colours.